Hi,

  Take it from someone who has already been in your shoes.  6 months ago this Friday I was the happiest person alive I was with my new girlfriend who I had just told that I had been deeply in love with for the entire two years that I had known her and then found out that she had felt the same the whole time.  I took her to see Creed on October 13th.  For the next week I felt like I had never felt before.  Then on October 23rd at 9:30 at night I recieved a phone call it was our best friend.  I answered the phone and she was crying after I asked what was wrong all she said was Gene, Audra is dead.  She didn't know what we had told each other that last weekend so she didn't know to break it to me easy.  She also didn't know that Audra had stayed at my house the night before and died 15 minutes after she left my house that morning.  I was the last one to see her.  Up untill sometime last month I felt like my life had no more usefulness or meaning.  Sure I have a great job, and other nice things but I would have given it all up to have her back just for 5 minutes.  I can say that I had never really thought about taking my own life but I was close.  I didn't go drink or do drugs because I knew that it wouldn't make things any better and that when the next morning came I would feel just as bad as before.  I still don't know exactly what I'm doing anymore.  Everything that meant anything left that day.  But I have realized that life does go on whether you want it to or not.  I can't expect you to understand what that was like nor do I pretend to know exactly what your going through but I do know that no matter how bad things get there is always someone that can help you.  You just might find them in the weirdest place though.  Try and make some new friends or go out with the ones you have now.  Whatever you do don't sit around and try to contemplate the many complexities of life because if you will just get nowhere.  You can't truly understand life until it's over.  If you truly want to change you can.  I made it through the hardest time in my life.... well I'm still going through it but things are getting better.  I came to realize that no matter how may people I asked for advice that the true answer didn't come until I looked inside my-self and found the answer that was there all along.  That answer being live your life to it's fullest.  She wouldn't want me to sit around here crying about her for the rest of my life.  Grant it I still do if there is anyone that tells you real men don't cry try putting a "Real Man" in my shoes and see how they take it.  So like I said before try and make some new friends and go out with those you have now.  And look deep inside yourself and you just might find that you can answer all of your questions all on your own. 

- Gene T. Webster
  gene@omegax.net
  A+ Certified Technician, MCSE
  If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them.  Building burn people

  die but real love is forever. 

-----Original Message-----
From: Secrets Kept [mailto:aramyth@SNIP.NET]
Sent: Tuesday, April 10, 2001 4:21 PM
To: CREED-DISCUSS@WINDUPLIST.COM
Subject: I need Advice

I am at a point in my life were i have no more usefulness.  I thought of
joining the service just to be a part of something or taking my life just as
a means to an end.  i havent plagued my life with drugs or alcohol but in
the sense have become addicted to other things like computer crimes and
destroying just about every vehicle i get.  I dont know what to do, i know
that this lifestyle is wrong, im desperate for advice.

"INSANE! Am i the only motherfucker with a brain?  I'm hearing voices but
all they do is complain... how many times have wanted to kill everything and
everyone, say you'll do it but never will." ~ Slipknot

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