----- Original Message -----

From: Jackson Crawford

Sent: Tuesday, April 10, 2001 6:04 PM

To: CREED-DISCUSS@WINDUPLIST.COM

Subject: Re: I need Advice

        That's a difficult position to be in, I know. Unfortunately there aren't a
great deal of emotional outlets in to which we can channel these sentiments,
I think love is probably the best one (but also the hardest one to find).
Suicide would come under the category of counter-productive ideas in my
book, I mean, no one knows what death is like, and beside which, however one
ends his life, I figure that it hurts. There's no easy way to die, and it
will scar family like hell.
        I think about this sort of thing quite a bit myself. One possible outlet is
just to get away from one of the major agitators of humanity, being the very
abstract concept which is "society". My idea here being to live for oneself,
by oneself, somewhere in the unpopulated wildernesses of Wyoming or western
Texas, vast stretches of which still have yet to be touched by man. The snag
in that is your training in wilderness survival - I ran away toward the
Guadalupe Mountains shortly after my 15th birthday and got screwed when I
couldn't find any food. I've tried a lot of stuff like that and it really
just kind of leaves an empty feeling inside.
        Really, the point to life is very difficult to find, especially in a
society that wants you to be just another mindless, consuming tool of it,
but society, one way or another, has always been like that. The trick is to
avoid it and stay alive whilst you do.
        The thing that I've found really gives me hope and keeps me from screwing
myself over again is the potential for changing that society, which is why
we founded Corvism a few years back. I, and many people like myself,
including, apparently, you, are just looking for a reason to be here.
Sometimes knowledge of the existence of others with those hopes can help.
But most of the time that's not enough. I've known people who ruined and
ended their lives because of all this. But once again, that really seems
pretty counter-productive. I'd rather stay alive, but find a reason to be
alive, wouldn't you? It's so damned hard to find, though.
        Love, as I've said, can be an incredibly helpful, healing force, even if
it's one-sided - because when we love someone, anyone, we generally feel at
least some more compulsion to remain breathing. I have a friend named
Meredith, without whose support in this department I'd be dead right now, at
the hand of myself or maybe someone else. But her incredible sense of hope,
of faith, of dedication, is the driving force behind my life, even if I
don't share her faith in her god (I'm atheist). But just knowing that that
kind of person exists prompts me to want to exist.
        You and me, man, we're the type that can change the world. We just need
people like that to make us want to, and to keep us from killing ourselves
before we do.
        I hope that you can find some purpose, somewhere, in someone or something.
And why kill yourself when that someone or something might be just around
the corner? And no, you're not the only motherf***er with a brain.

Jackson Wade Crawford - The Raven of Texas/ Corvvs Texanis
       Our Gracious Lord And Master To Whom All Praise And Money Are Rightly
And Verily Due of the International Enchanting Swordsmen Rifts Campaign
       International Director, Corvist Association for the Preservation and
Perpetuation of Free Will

-----Original Message-----
From: Creed Discussion List [mailto:CREED-DISCUSS@WINDUPLIST.COM]On
Behalf Of Secrets Kept
Sent: Tuesday, April 10, 2001 4:21 PM
To: CREED-DISCUSS@WINDUPLIST.COM
Subject: I need Advice


I am at a point in my life were i have no more usefulness.  I thought of
joining the service just to be a part of something or taking my life just as
a means to an end.  i havent plagued my life with drugs or alcohol but in
the sense have become addicted to other things like computer crimes and
destroying just about every vehicle i get.  I dont know what to do, i know
that this lifestyle is wrong, im desperate for advice.

"INSANE! Am i the only motherfucker with a brain?  I'm hearing voices but
all they do is complain... how many times have wanted to kill everything and
everyone, say you'll do it but never will." ~ Slipknot

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