Thanks Joe , I will pass this on to my friends.

How did I ever dsurvive work without you?

  Joe Earles <jearles@BERKSHIRE.RR.COM> wrote:

Actual Newspaper Headlines:

Some are just slips of the tongue
a.. Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
b.. Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
c.. Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
d.. House passes gas tax onto senate
e.. Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan
f.. Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
g.. William Kelly was fed secretary
h.. Milk drinkers are turning to powder
i.. Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted
j.. Quarter of a million Chinese live on water
k.. Farmer bill dies in house
l.. Iraqi head seeks arms
Some become unintentionally suggestive
a.. Queen Mary having bottom scraped
b.. Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?
c.. Prostitutes appeal to Pope
d.. Panda mating fails - veterinarian takes over
e.. NJ judge to rule on nude beach
f.. Child's stool great for use in garden
g.. Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors
h.. Soviet virgin lands short of goal again
i.. Organ festival ends in smashing climax
Grammar often botches other headlines
a.. Eye drops off shelf
b.. Squad helps dog bite victim
c.. Dealers will hear car talk at noon
d.. Enraged cow injures farmer with ax
e.. Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests
f.. Miners refuse to work after death
g.. Two Soviet ships collide - one dies
h.. Two sisters reunite after eighteen years at checkout counter
Once in a while, a botched headline takes on a meaning opposite from the one
intended:
a.. Never withhold herpes from loved one
b.. Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy
c.. Drunk drivers paid $1,000 in 1984
d.. Autos killing 110 a day, let's resolve to do better
Sometimes newspaper editors state the obvious
a.. If strike isn't settled quickly it may last a while
b.. War dims hope for peace
c.. Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency
d.. Cold wave linked to temperatures
e.. Child's death ruins couple's holiday
f.. Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years
g.. Man is fatally slain
h.. Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say
i.. Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation

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